SHE TURNED HER CAN'Ts INTO CAN's AND HER DREAMS INTO PLANS!!

Geez. I feel like most of my posts have been about me falling off track and how I plan to get back on. Every time the problem is stress. It goes away and then it comes back 10 times worse. This time was different. I almost lost my job over something that wasn't really in my control. It was from me having to depend on someone else and then pretty much getting screwed over.. That started a big argument and things became...ugh... just crazy intense. It almost pushed me to my breaking point. But just when I got to my darkest place, things suddenly took a turn. Things have started to turn. That has caused me to look back on how far I have come. I don't mean as far as my weight loss because that has been a roller-coaster. I mean as far as everything else in my life. I have so much to be thankful for and with that I have so many positive things I need to think of, rather than all the negative that surrounds me. 

I definitely have a problem with that though. All the negative seems to greatly overpower all the great things in my life. I don't want it to be like that anymore. With so much in my life that is good, why would I let all this stupid negativity get me down, break my spirit, and constantly keep me depressed.

The only thing holding me back is me. I know that I am far from perfect and all these problems in my life will make me appreciate this journey and everything in my life. It still does get aggravating when I keep starting over. I think I will start keeping a journal. Maybe then when these problems and stressful situations do arise, I can get them out and down on paper, out of my mind, and hopefully that will help me handle everything a little better, just a thought.  

I never want to go back to the negative place I've been in over the past couple weeks and I will do everything in my power to prevent that. Working out can be such a good way to relieve stress.  You would think I would be doing it all the time. But I've gotten so depressed, I've barely done anything. I would have my daughter taken to daycare, go to work, have her picked up and then myself picked up and go home. When I got home, I wouldn't do too much then either. Make Bug something to eat. Depending on how I felt, I maybe ate something, watched TV and went to bed.  It was almost like I didn't care anymore. But everyday I looked in the mirror I didn't like what I saw. I still don't. I know what I need to do to change that picture, but somehow that didn't make it any easier. It didn't make it any easier even though I know I just had to do it. Just do it.  And at the time, I guess I really didn't want to do it.  

And I'm sick of all the reasons why I don't want to or don't feel like starting and following through with my healthy lifestyle change.  Have you ever been SO COMPLETELY SICK AND TIRED of how things have been that no matter what you are gonna do what you have to do to make a change? I think I am finally there.  If I'm not, I need to be.  No one can make these changes but me. So that's what I am going to do. 

When things get tough, I will adjust so that things can still work for me. I am sure there are people out there with worse situations than what I have been in and still manage to reach their goals and make things happen to better their life. So why can't I? 

Thats the thing. I find myself using "can't"  wayyyyyy too much. I have to turn my CAN'T's in to CAN's and my DREAMS into PLANS!

That is the only way I am going to succeed in ANYTHING! 

And I am so ready. I deserve to be happy, healthy, successful and full of life!

I deserve to reach my goals and make things happen in my life!

Every Journey Begins With a Single Step....

The past few weeks have been nothing but chaos and stress for me... then again, when isn't it? I get myself in these situations when I try to help others and I feel like I get taken advantage of.  All this stress threw off my eating and I binged. Damn emotional eating. And I barely worked out. I am not gonna try to make excuses for why I didn't do better, I just have to learn how to handle stress in my life better. What I have been doing has been hurting me instead of helping me.  The crazy part is I can stop this particular cause of stress and hadn't done anything to stop. Mainly because every time I did, it seemed to only cause more problems. But I can't and won't do it anymore. 

With that problem behind me, I am back to focusing on ME! My mind, my body, my spirit, and my child. 

I had to work until 6pm yesterday and had a rough night Sunday. Bug didn't sleep very well, so neither did I. But as soon as we got home, I made her some dinner and I almost didn't work out. I was tired and honestly not in the mood. But then I had a realization. The only reason I am still so miserable and unhappy with the way I look is because there have been so many times I haven't been "in the mood" to work out. So instead of letting the old J'Wana make the decision to not work out, the NEW J'Wana stepped forward and took control!! I can't let my old mentality keep me from getting healthy, fit, and happy.

IT WAS TIME TO SWEAT!

Brazil Butt Lift's Bum Bum and Turbo Jam 20 Min and I was pouring sweat! The FAT was definitely crying a river last night! I love TJ because of the music and its fun to do. Chalene is so upbeat and motivating! I just love it! Dare I say, my soulmate workout<3

BBL on the other hand, KICKS MY BUM BUM!!! Don't get me wrong, it is an amazing workout! But there is definitely a Love/Hate relationship. My legs and booty are so sore! I am very happy I only had to give a 30 min massage today. Lol! 

I am gonna eat some lunch now and take a nap! Gonna get my sweat on later! 

What are you having for Lunch?

BRAZIL BUTT LIFT!!! JUST THE BEGINNING!

Ok so as I have told you guys before, I have been the queen of being inconsistent. Starting a workout routine and never finishing it. And I am sick of starting over so I am simply not gonna stop this time. Its gonna be hard, of course. I am gonna have days when I would rather not work out, or would rather eat a whole tub of ice cream than to make a healthy food choices. There have been a lot of those days recently. Sometimes I swear the world is against me.

If I want to reach my goals, I have to push through all the obstacles, work hard and just do it! I have to make make healthy meals for me and my little girl. I will have to force myself to wake up at 4:30am or 5 am just to make sure I get my workout in... I say force because I am in no way a morning person, but I also know I will get used to it and start looking forward to starting my day with some sweat:) I have to give this my everything and that is exactly what I am going to do!!

I made a little video for you to get to know me a little better!

Excuse my looks today....Been doing housework all day! You know how that is...

How do you keep the negativity around you out of your way and push through your obstacles?

December & Forming A Healthy Lifestyle

So...Last night I had a horrible time falling asleep...I tried but I tossed and turned. Something was on my mind. Too many negative thoughts. My self esteem and self image kinda sucks. But its a work in progress. So I know I have to give this 10000000%. I am taking the month of December to PUSH MYSELF. I WILL make a routine of working out and eating right. With no excuses. I WILL change my mindset and my lifestyle.

For far too long, I have looked in the mirror and been disgusted with who I saw looking back at me. I don't like the thoughts that float through my mind. I hate going out with my friends. A voice always runs its mouth in the back of my mind as I get dressed. 

"You look disgusting."

"I don't even know why you try to get dressed up and look cute." 

"That big saggy belly is NOT ATTRACTIVE and its not like you can hide it!"

"Everyone thinks your friends look good. But you are just the fat girl that tags along." 

"You might as well stay home. Nothing looks good on you." 


I usually end up crying at least once or twice.  I try to tune it out, but I fail every time.  My mind just won't allow it. And I am so so sick of this. Knowing what I have to do, I tell myself today is the day that I make this healthy lifestyle a habit. Today is the day that I stop making excuses. Unfortunately, I haven't made it a habit yet and that is because I am an impatient person. I want results and I want them now. Not the best way to be but hey, its me.
 I wish I could drop all the weight and get fit like yesterday. But I also know it takes time. It took time to go on, and it will take time to work off. But with the way that I have been living, it will never come off. I will do great for a few days or even a week. Then I fall off track and I get depressed. It repeats over and over again. Food is my main problem. I'll be real with you, whoever is reading this. I am gonna be completely honest. Maybe you are like me, in the same boat. I work full time, I have a two year old, and I am a single parent with no help whatsoever from my daughter's father. I just got my own place a month ago and still trying to figure out a budget and figure out life on my own. I get about $100 in food stamps. I am trying to figure out how to balance everything out from rent/utilities, phone, internet, child care, and hopefully soon I will have a car so then insurance and gas. I know everything will work itself out. But right now, my finances are a definite problem. The things that are best to eat, are more expensive than the processed junk that is super cheap. So what do you do? People say that you need to make an investment in yourself and in your health. And I completely agree. But what do you do when you LITERALLY don't have the money? I go to a couple food pantries in my area for some extra help, but its not like you can hand pick what you get there. I get what they give me and I definitely am not gonna complain. I just try to make the best choices I can and do what I can.

But during my tossing and turning last night, I made a decision. And I know its not gonna be easy. I will take the month of December to seriously focus on my health and fitness. A pre-challenge you could say. Apparently, it take 21 days to form a habit. I am gonna to take 31 days. 31 days to prep for my New Years Resolution. I will reach my fitness goals by my 23rd Birthday. (which is November 8th)  70 lbs. 31 days to change my mindset, my way of thinking and the way I see myself.

December will be the month I make to-do lists and schedule my day out to make the most of it.  I became a Beachbody Coach because I wanted to help others reach their goals and have the body they have always wanted. Reach the level of health they want. Live the life they want.  But how can I do it if I am not moving forward with it myself? 

2013 will be MY year. Nothing will hold me back this time. But I am (re)starting now... I want to be happy with myself, with my body and my life and I want my daughter to be proud of me too. I can not and will not let her down. 

It took everything in me to decide to post this picture. As you see, I am not smiling. I am very unhappy with this picture. Its not pretty but its me Only one way to fix that though. I have goofed off and wasted too much time. I could have been where I want to be by now. I started this journey back in March or April.  I know I can do this, but up until now, I've waited for the right conditions. "I have to have my own place so I can control the food coming in and I can workout without having to worry about a bunch of people interrupting or intruding."

Well the conditions (technically) are perfect. All of my previous excuses are not valid anymore. Not excuse will be valid. 

THIS IS IT!!! GONNA GET MY TURBO ON NOW! POST WORKOUT SWEAT PIC COMING UP!!

Turbo Jam-Learn and Burn & Turbo Sculpt

And I had a partner:)

Arianna did some Turbo Sculpting too! I love her!

Evil Tasty Pies!

So I am at work this morning, minding my own business, when my coworker tells me that she has tried some Holiday Custard Pie that McDonalds has now and has officially fallen in love and I must try it. I have been straying far far away from fast food so I didn't know much about this. The other lady that works with us had mentioned something about it before and the woman (who now loves it) was like "EWWWWWW I hate custard! That is DISGUSTING!!!" Anyways, apparently the woman's sister-in-law practically shoved it in her mouth last night and she thought it was amazing. So before I know it, my boss has gone to McDonalds (he goes there practically everyday for breakfast anyway) and has come back with a couple of the pies. She tells me she told him to get one for me to try.

Darn her and this evil delicious pie!!! Its like she knows my weaknesses! She must be a mind reader because anything sweet and/or with sprinkles, I AM IN THERE!!! I had been doing really good with staying away from all my favorite sugary sweet treats, especially considering how stressed out I have been recently. So I open up the box and this amazing aroma hits my nose, and I am immediately drooling! She got one for me to try so I couldn't tell her no, right? Am I right? 

Probably not. I could have said "No, thank you" but if anybody has even just smelled this thing, you might understand how I felt. And when I bit into it... There were angels singing and rainbows and fireworks, children laughing, world peace, and no hungry children or homeless people in the world. AIDS, cancers, and all other horrible diseases and ailments had cures. All in this moment! I was even doing a little happy dance. I mean it was that serious! I loved it. But since I don't ever go to McDonalds, I won't have any problems staying away from these miraculous little devils. Although it was so good, I also know its terrible as far as nutrition is concerned. So I had a treat this week. If she brings anymore to work with her, I will have to politely decline. It will be hard. VERY HARD! It will take every bit of will power and strength I have if it is right in front of me. But I will say no..... I think hahaha.

Tonight for dinner was: Garlic pepper chicken, wild rice, and carrots. And its Mini Me approved!

Is there a food/snack/treat that you can't seem to resist? And in situations like mine today, if someone buys it for you, how do you handle it?

Now, I am going to pop in some Turbo Jam and work this thing off! Nighty Night!

About Me

Hello There!!! My name is J'Wana and I am a single parent to an amazing little girl named Arianna, as well as a full-time Massage Therapist. Here is a little about myself.

My childhood was a lot different than most people. I am from Washington, DC. but I moved around A LOT!!. D.C., Maryland, Northern VA, Southern VA, Texas... I was all over the place. And no, I wasn't a military brat. Just had a tough life.  For as long as I can remember, I have been the chubby girl. I was always told it was baby fat and that it would go away once I got older. I remember during 7th and 8th grade, I was in pretty good shape. ( I was also walking and riding my bike to school and back which was 3 miles round-trip) But when 9th grade hit, that's when things really started to change. I was living in Southwest Virginia, small southern town of Marion, Va. Some of the food was different but OH SO GOOD!!! I didn't realize how the food and less activity would change my body, I really wasn't too concerned with it to be honest with you. I was a cheerleader in 10th grade and over the summer when we got our uniforms and had to try them on.... well I had the biggest size they had and it just barely fit me. But I also knew I had a big booty, even when I was smaller everywhere else. Nothing I was ashamed of but I still hated (not really hated but you get my point) all the skinny girls that didn't have any problem with their uniforms. But I figured that by the time we were done cheer leading for the year, I would have lost all the weight. WRONG! I had to get a job. My first job- WENDYS. As much as I loved (and still love) food, the last thing I thought about then was my health or fitness. So I worked hard and ate good and gained weight. As a matter of fact, all of my jobs while in high school were in the fast food industry, so its what I ate most of the time. I didn't realize what an impact this was making in my mind and body.

Jump ahead to after I graduated (2008-2009), I moved in with my two of my friends. We all worked at McDonalds. I don't need to explain further. Then I find out I am pregnant...


I had a cute little bump for a while. I was eating for me and baby. And while I ate plenty of healthy foods, ice cream and Chinese food were constants in my life. Next thing I know..


And I still had a good 6 weeks to go when this picture was taken. But where I wasn't gaining much weight everywhere else, I figured things would more or less snap back into place once I had my precious baby girl.



I breastfed and a lot of the weight came off. But her father went to jail when she was 13 days old. So I was a 19 year old new and single parent and then Postpartum Depression hit. Food was what made me feel better so I ate and ate and ate to ease the pain away. I ate until he got out of jail, then I ate more. The man I waited for, visited every weekend so he could watch his little girl grow even though it was only 15 min visits, he turned on me. He began sneaking around, stealing, and treating me like a dog. I got called every name in the book. So I ate more. When I finally worked up the courage to leave, he took my daughter and blockaded himself in the basement. I tried to get the door open and he said "You better stop before your FAT ASS breaks this door"....That broke me down to nothing. After a couple days of arguing, I finally got me and Arianna out of that house and away from him. But mentally and emotionally, every name he called me still stuck. He wasn't done with me yet and I wasn't done with my emotional eating. I was stressed out to the max trying to figure out what to do next. One day, I stepped on the scale and had to blink multiple time to make sure I was actually seeing the numbers I saw: 200lbs!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! HOW?!! WHY?!!! 
My inner "Debbie Downer" was saying he was right, you are a fat ass and you have no importance in this world.

But I did mean something to someone, if no one else----ARIANNA!

So we moved to Washington DC and I enrolled at the National Massage Therapy Institute in Falls Church, VA. l! It was amazing but I still had to work so I got a job with my mom at IHOP.... Uh-Oh! The smells of pancakes, bacon, ham, potatoes. Who could resist? I sure couldn't and didn't. Work during the weekdays, school on weeknights, and then work during the overnight shift on the weekends. Those overnight shift were the worst. Whenever we were slow, I got one of the cooks to make me some NY cheesecake pancakes or some hashbrowns with cheese or some other ridiculously fattening thing that I wanted that night. Not good at all. And it all caught up to me!

Arianna and I both had check-ups with our doctor. They did a full physical on me since it had been a while since I had one. Blood work and all. About a week later, I get a letter from the doctors office, they wanted me to have a follow up appointment because my blood test came back abnormal. In bold letters I read PRE-DIABETIC.  What!! Diabetes runs in my family but ME, 20 years old... oh no not me I don't want diabetes. Something has to be done!...right?

But the truth is, I didn't know what to do and I was terrified. I knew what I needed to do and where I wanted to be but how do I get there?


I started getting stressed out again. Then one night I was up late, couldn't sleep and I was flipping through channels and I came across a Brazil Butt Lift commercial through Beachbody... those girls looked amazing. It looked like fun and thus something I would actually do so I ordered it. I thought "This is it, I am finally gonna get back in shape and be beautiful like the girls on the commercial"....
I have never been one with a great self-esteem. So when I got my BBL in the mail, I was so happy. I wanted to change the way I ate, change my life. I tore open the box and popped it in the DVD player. I didn't realized how tough it would actually be for me. But Leandro's energy and quite frankly, his accent (which I love haha) kept me going and boy was I sore!

I told my mom that with my pre-diabetic status, I needed her to buy better and healthier food. She made the joke that just because I have to eat healthy, she didn't have to, which actually hurt my feelings. It would be good for her, me and Arianna. She would buy me salad, and then everything else she always bought so not much changed except for a bag of salad mix. I remember one day I went and bought a juicer and took it upon myself to do some grocery shopping. I got ground chicken and turkey instead of pork and beef. I got loads of veggies and fruit, granola, greek yogurt. I mean I think I did good. As she watched me put the food away, she commented "I hope you plan on eating all that because it sure doesn't look appetizing". I went to cook dinner (which may or may not have been spaghetti) with the ground chicken and she looked at me with a disgusted look on her face and said. " You're gonna use that?!"... How could I eat right if every time I make a good decision, she had a comment that made me want to just say screw it? The only thing that kept me from giving up completely were the people on the Team Beachbody website. One thing I wanted out of the website was a friend and coach that had been in the same boat as me as far as the amount of weight that I needed to lose and the struggles I've had. One of my buddies Janet told me she had an amazing coach named Rachel that had went from 301 to around 130 IN A YEAR!! She sent me a link to Rachel's profile. I sent her a buddy request and we started to talk. We have some much in common and her wise and caring words stuck with me. I needed her as my coach. And I made her my coach. This was the beginning... Little did I know, unexpected depression and excuses were heading my way.


D.C. wasn't what I expected, I wasn't happy there. I really started to miss Marion, VA. Yeah, it's a small town with not a lot to do, but it is a good place to raise kids, not too much crime, and its the place I lived the longest that I can remember of my whole life. I wanted to go back. I ended up stopping BBL and ordered Turbo Jam. When I got it, once again I tore open the box and put it in the DVD player. In comes Chalene, smiley, blond, perky Chalene. I didn't know what to expect from this woman but I ended up loving her. She is so motivational during her workouts, reminding you that all the motivation, all the energy is in your head. You can keep going! You can push harder! I enjoyed TJ a lot, but still ended up giving up on that as well, but Rachel continued to check in on me even after my posts to the challenge group and TBB website had stopped. I feel like anyone else would have just given upon me, figured I was just a waste of time. But she didn't and I am forever thankful for that. Through my talks with Rachel, I realized that I couldn't keep giving excuses for me not taking the step forward, pushing play and eating right. This is in my hands. My body, my health, my life is in my hands. I want to be around for my beautiful little girl for a very long time, but if I don't take care of myself now, that won't happen. I also realized that I wanted to become a Team Beachbody coach. If I could do for someone else what Rachel did for me, it would make me feel so good. I want to help people with their health & fitness. As a Massage Therapist, I am love to help people with their pain and make them just feel better in general and I am supposed to tell my clients know how important it is for them to exercise, eat right, and drink plenty of water. I want to be a model of that, not the one saying "Do as I say, not as I do." SO I MADE A DECISION...

Despite what anybody else may have wanted me to do, I moved back to Marion, I am working as a Massage Therapist, just became a Team Beachbody coach and restarting my Turbo Jam & Brazil Butt Lift. I will eat right, exercise at least 5 days a week and drink plenty of water.

No. I don't have the results that everyone wants to see. I am at the beginning of my journey as many people are. I now have all of Beachbody watching and waiting. Watching, Waiting and thus Motivating me to transform my body and mind into the person, the mother, the role-model for my daughter that I want to be.

My goal as a coach is to change another's life while molding, changing and sculpting my own. If I can just reach one person, then that's great! But if I can reach many.... WOW! That would be a blessing!
Watch me during my journey or join me with a journey of your own. 

Just don't give up, don't let anyone hold you back or tear you down. Know that this life is yours. This body is yours. If you are unhappy with any of it, change it.