First things first.
I am a single mom
I can be unorganized.
I tend to forget things... a lot.
I can be the queen of excuses and of procrastination.
I am NOT a morning person.
When I first started my lifestyle change (and I've started and restarted and restarted), I always came up with any and every reason why I couldn't or shouldn't work out.
I need to go to bed early tonight. I'll just do it in the morning.
*stays up late any way and when alarm buzzes at 4:45 am*
I am too tired. I'll just hit snooze this one time then get up.
*snooze alarm goes off*
I am still sleepy, I'll just do it tonight.
*changes time to 6:30 and goes back to sleep*
That is how it was everyday. Then I would be upset with myself for not just doing it.
I just felt like there were never enough hours in the day to exercise. But somehow others have the time, so I just told myself "You know what, I am a single parent that works full time as a Massage Therapist. I come home from work and picking up my little one from daycare, cook dinner for me and her, get Arianna fed, bathed and ready for bed, clean up the house, and do laundry if needed. By the time I have done all that, its 9pm or later. And I have to be at work by 8 am. And of course I have to socialize with my sister and her family since that is where me and my daughter are staying for now AND I must catch up on some of my favorite TV shows. Where does that leave ANY time for me to workout?"
Then every single time I looked in the mirror, try to get dressed, or even worse try to have a girl's night out, I didn't like what I was seeing, I didn't like the way my clothes fit. I didn't like that my girl friends look way better than I did. It was like they were oozing all this confidence, even if they really weren't. And me... just a fat girl that always TRIED to look cute but actually looked really gross and fat. They would get all this attention from guys (even if they didn't the attention) and I would just kinda hang out on the sidelines and not really talk to anyone but them. And if the rare occasion arose where someone did talk to me, the subject of my occupation came up then I got the wrong kind of attention since a lot of people connect massage therapist to a masseuse and happy endings... NOPE! I DEFINITELY DON'T DO THAT!
I know you might be thinking that I was really harsh on myself. But this is exactly how I felt and sometimes still feel but wait....
A lot has changed in me. I realize that there are more than enough hours in the day to work out. I realized that I can't have such negative self talk. I have to love my body and myself. That's why I want this change. For my health, self-confidence, self esteem and for my little girl. The thing is AM I WILLING TO MAKE THE TIME? and AM I REALLY THAT TIRED?
Now, I LOVE to workout early in the morning... before I think too much into it and give myself a chance to come up with an excuse. No one else is up at that ungodly time of morning (lol) so I have no interruptions. Downside: I don't get to pump up the music but oh well, there's an iPod for that:)
Now I am at the beginning of this journey but I am learning to love myself and my body more and more everyday. The more I feed her with the nutrients she needs, the better she feels and the better she will look. The more I push myself through my workouts, the better she will feel and the better she will look. Its a process. I know I will not see results overnight, but I am constantly progressing. Soon enough, everyone will be able to see all the work I am putting in paying off. And that day... will be the thing that pushes me and motivates me even more to keep going.