For far too long, I have looked in the mirror and been disgusted with who I saw looking back at me. I don't like the thoughts that float through my mind. I hate going out with my friends. A voice always runs its mouth in the back of my mind as I get dressed.
"You look disgusting."
"I don't even know why you try to get dressed up and look cute."
"That big saggy belly is NOT ATTRACTIVE and its not like you can hide it!"
"Everyone thinks your friends look good. But you are just the fat girl that tags along."
"You might as well stay home. Nothing looks good on you."
I usually end up crying at least once or twice. I try to tune it out, but I fail every time. My mind just won't allow it. And I am so so sick of this. Knowing what I have to do, I tell myself today is the day that I make this healthy lifestyle a habit. Today is the day that I stop making excuses. Unfortunately, I haven't made it a habit yet and that is because I am an impatient person. I want results and I want them now. Not the best way to be but hey, its me.
I wish I could drop all the weight and get fit like yesterday. But I also know it takes time. It took time to go on, and it will take time to work off. But with the way that I have been living, it will never come off. I will do great for a few days or even a week. Then I fall off track and I get depressed. It repeats over and over again. Food is my main problem. I'll be real with you, whoever is reading this. I am gonna be completely honest. Maybe you are like me, in the same boat. I work full time, I have a two year old, and I am a single parent with no help whatsoever from my daughter's father. I just got my own place a month ago and still trying to figure out a budget and figure out life on my own. I get about $100 in food stamps. I am trying to figure out how to balance everything out from rent/utilities, phone, internet, child care, and hopefully soon I will have a car so then insurance and gas. I know everything will work itself out. But right now, my finances are a definite problem. The things that are best to eat, are more expensive than the processed junk that is super cheap. So what do you do? People say that you need to make an investment in yourself and in your health. And I completely agree. But what do you do when you LITERALLY don't have the money? I go to a couple food pantries in my area for some extra help, but its not like you can hand pick what you get there. I get what they give me and I definitely am not gonna complain. I just try to make the best choices I can and do what I can.
But during my tossing and turning last night, I made a decision. And I know its not gonna be easy. I will take the month of December to seriously focus on my health and fitness. A pre-challenge you could say. Apparently, it take 21 days to form a habit. I am gonna to take 31 days. 31 days to prep for my New Years Resolution. I will reach my fitness goals by my 23rd Birthday. (which is November 8th) 70 lbs. 31 days to change my mindset, my way of thinking and the way I see myself.
December will be the month I make to-do lists and schedule my day out to make the most of it. I became a Beachbody Coach because I wanted to help others reach their goals and have the body they have always wanted. Reach the level of health they want. Live the life they want. But how can I do it if I am not moving forward with it myself?
2013 will be MY year. Nothing will hold me back this time. But I am (re)starting now... I want to be happy with myself, with my body and my life and I want my daughter to be proud of me too. I can not and will not let her down.
It took everything in me to decide to post this picture. As you see, I am not smiling. I am very unhappy with this picture. Its not pretty but its me Only one way to fix that though. I have goofed off and wasted too much time. I could have been where I want to be by now. I started this journey back in March or April. I know I can do this, but up until now, I've waited for the right conditions. "I have to have my own place so I can control the food coming in and I can workout without having to worry about a bunch of people interrupting or intruding."
Well the conditions (technically) are perfect. All of my previous excuses are not valid anymore. Not excuse will be valid.
Turbo Jam-Learn and Burn & Turbo Sculpt
And I had a partner:)
You're gonna get it. Have you checked out PaleoonaBudget.com? Not saying paleo is THE way or anything, but she has some good ideas on her site.
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